Writing When It's Not Worth Reading

I have such a need to reflect on my thoughts, chew them up for a while, think on them some more, and then spill it all out here somehow. My intent is for you to consider with me. My desire is that everything rolling around in my thoughts will pour out perfectly through fingers and keyboard, inspiring you to reflect, think, think some more, and then come back and converse with me.

The problem is, I'm never completely settled in these random thoughts of mine because I'm constantly learning and deciphering, and changing my mind, and then forgetting and having to learn again. So I set myself down intending to get bare before you; to be raw and real, but then I realize the issue isn't quite right within myself and the thoughts I thought I needed to share are only half thoughts and not really worth sharing at all.

And then there are the other bloggers. You know the ones! They take something as meaningless as a lifeless stick, or the neighbor's ugly cat, and turn it into life changing words that convict the heart and speak to the soul. Their poetic language produces emotions within us that we're not quite sure how to manage. They reveal truth to the reader unlike anything else could. They leave us feeling refreshed, refined, replenished, and somehow hungering for more all at the same time.

Between my struggle to take a thought and stick with it long enough to form a solid conclusion, and the knowledge that there are thousands of other bloggers out there with infinitely more wisdom than I, it is impossible to deny my discouragement and lack of ability. I simply cannot compete and honestly, I don't want to.

And that's the whole point. This is not a competition. This whole site and writing thing is for the purpose of glorifying God and sharing simple things that He bothers to share with me. I want to look back and remember where He took me and how we got there. Together. I am not here to exalt myself or cause anyone to think I am something great or someone other than me.

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“You will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring two pence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it... Give up yourself, and you will find your real self.” 
―  C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

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If I've been successful in sharing only two simple things on this site, let it be that He is everything and I am nothing. I will continue to seek His face, meditate on His Word and His truth, sporadically share my inconclusive thoughts, and pray He blesses others with my dull, unoriginal words. I will persistently set myself before a computer screen intending to share a particular idea, and watch the whole jumble of words morph into something entirely different, wondering all the while how and why this is happening. But I will write because, as Peter and John would say, for I cannot but speak the things which I have seen and heard.  

I appreciate all of you who faithfully read and offer encouragement!

Thanks for blessing me!

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Who Are You?

We’ve all read the parable. We’ve heard numerous teachings on it, and I would venture to guess I’m not the only one who has been asked the question, whether in a sermon style teaching or in a group bible study: “Who are you in this parable?”

Many see themselves as The Prodigal Son himself: having walked away from the Father, pursued things of the world, only to discover them all to be a lie. This is the one who praises God for His incomprehensible grace. Who proclaims he was lost and is now found. Who gives all glory to the Father who never gave up on him. The Father that watched daily, patiently waiting for him to return to his senses.

Then there are those parents who can relate with this Father: the ones holding on to hope for that wayward child. The parent that aches and grieves, offering prayers day and night, watching expectantly. To this parent, the parable offers reassurance that God can save, even to the uttermost. Even when the sinner has knowingly chosen to walk away, setting aside the cross and taking up the desires of world. You may be that parent.

Or you may associate more closely with the brother. You know, the ‘Other Son.’ The one that despised his Father for welcoming his brother home with celebration and a fatten calf after squandering his inheritance. The son who felt he ‘deserved’ so much more. This one proclaiming himself to have followed the commands of the Father to a T, never wavering in his service, always doing what was good and expected. He looks down on his brother as the sinner that he is: no grace, no love, no compassion or understanding. My mind puts this brother in the place of the ‘Rich Young Ruler.’ The brother proudly declares he has kept all the commandments from his youth. The Father gently responds in the form of a question: “You too have an inheritance, Son. Will you sell all that you have and give to the poor?” But when the son hears this, he becomes very sorrowful because his inheritance is much.

I have pondered the question time and again, “Who am I in this parable?” Recently the answer I received was one I never would have expected. The person I clearly saw isn’t even in this parable, but could easily have received a starring role. You see, as the son wasted his possessions with prodigal living, God was at work. As the son found himself in the middle of a famine, desiring to eat the food he fed to swine, God was at work. As the son began coming to his senses, seeing clearly the foolishness of his ways and the need for his Father, God was at work.

BUT, what would have happened if…

What if someone had stepped in and helped this son? What if a brother, friend, or someone simply passing by had brought him food, given him money, or offered him a place to sleep?

What if…?

And this friend, this brother, this wanna be savior is the role I would fill had there been written a part for the character. Because I am that person stepping in to save the world. I am that person wanting to make everything ok and assure no one suffers. I am a savior hindering the work of The Savior. Yes, I am an enabler, and I am convicted to the core!

So maybe you’ve been asked countless times as I have. Even so, I ask you again: who are you in this parable? You may be surprised at what the Holy Spirit reveals to you as you seek to find the answer. 

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Rooted and Grounded

For years I have suffered from what was first diagnosed as dry skin, then eczema, and now psoriasis. I have tried creams, medications, bi-weekly injections, even a gluten free diet. Each came with promises of a miracle cure; each left me disappointed, scaling, and flaky (Yes, I’m guilty of THAT kind of flaky too).  My new attempt at conquering the chronic wintery skin- solar lights. Yep, a good old fake-n-bake tanning bed! Of course, my dermatologist offers ‘medically approved’ solar treatments for a substantial fee several times a week. Um, how about I pay only $30 a month and get me some summer color in the middle of February instead!? Sounds like the best choice to me!

Can you picture it? Reclined in a brightly lit, WARM, coffin like container (did I mention it was incredibly WARM?), sweating my buns off (and hopefully my thighs too), with nothing else to do but think, think, think. I began to wonder what would happen to those areas- you know, the ones that hadn’t seen the sun in years. Uh oh, maybe I didn’t think this through very well. The next day I realized just what a bad idea it was. Now, let me clarify, I’m only referring to my stomach and back. The other areas, the unmentionables, those I won’t even consider baring to UV lights. My stomach, which hadn’t seen that kind of light since pre-kid days, a decade and a half ago, was lobster red. It hurt to wear clothes, it hurt to sleep, it hurt to shower, it hurt to breath. But a few days later, it was all worth it! I’m excited to report that I have now been comfortably lying beneath bright, warm UB lights for two weeks, and I have no more worries of burns and pain. (And my psoriasis is improving, in some areas.)

What’s my point? Well, today as I lay in that bed, rocking out to Kutless, I was also think, think, thinking on my recent verses from Ephesians.

That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height- to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.  –Ephesians 3:16-19 NKJV

What does this have to do with my tanning experience? EVERYTHING! I realized that the areas I kept covered; the parts of my body that hadn’t seen the light in so long; those parts that are carefully kept hidden; those are the areas that hurt the most when they finally ARE exposed to light. What area am I referring to? ANGER. FRUSTRATION. Oh how I have neglected to bring this struggle in my life into the light. I have kept it hidden. I have allowed it to fester and grow, and God was faithful to reveal this to me.

Here’s what my morning looked like:

I was attempting to look at and think on the words…  ‘being rooted and grounded in His love,’ ‘the width and length and depth and height,’ while at the same time getting the kids ready for school. I sent my son off to do the usual brush teeth/brush hair/apply deodorant. Ten minutes later I stepped into his room only to find him knelt on the floor, holding his tooth brush (toothpaste still intact), and reading directions on how to assemble a Lego structure. This is when all God’s love departed from me and I blew a fuse.

UGH. Yes, I failed to follow through on the love I had just been reading about. WHY CAN’T I JUST READ IT AND THEN GO DO IT!? WHY IS IT SO HARD!? If it is so easy for me to step out of LOVE, what then are my roots grounded in?! If anger pours out of me so quickly, that must mean it is sitting there, festering, and waiting for any opportunity to show its ugly face. And my poor kiddos are usually the ones to see it.  Oh how I want to love them as God loves them. I want to give them the unconditional love that He gives me, even when I deliberately disobey Him. His love has no bounds!

To be rooted and grounded in love requires a daily checking of ourselves. It requires me to expose my sins and struggles to the LIGHT each and every day. When I neglect to do this, my roots begin to sink themselves into everything but love, and I become grounded in a foundation that is weak, weary, and ready to tumble. After so long, exposure to the LIGHT hurts! It hurts when my wrath is let loose on my kids. It hurts knowing I must confess and apologize to my son. It hurts to see the anger I have hidden; the anger that keeps God’s love from strengthening my inner man. However, as soon we hear this Voice; as soon as the conviction sets in, and we proceed with confession and repentance, the process of bringing this sin into the LIGHT becomes less and less painful.

I am thankful for a God who sees those hidden sins of my heart; a God who is faithful to reveal these sins to me, and patiently waits for me to confess them and repent. He is a Fixer, and I am in need of being fixed.

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We Are In This Together

“She’s talking rudely to me.” He utters as tears fill his eyes.

“Well I’m tired of you hitting the back of my chair!” She quickly counters with that harsh tone that paints a picture of eyes rolling.

I continue driving, praying for words and an attitude of peace. They carry on back and forth, back and forth- who can injure the other more; who will have the last word?

Finally I’ve had enough and proclaim “No one leaves this car until this is settled.”

We continue down the familiar road in silence. One minute goes by, then two, then five. Who will speak first? Who will confess their unkind words and selfish heart? Who will ask forgiveness?

Neither.

Lord, where have I gone wrong?

We are just minutes from the school. “No one has anything to say?” I demand.

“Sorry for my attitude. Will you forgive me?” She finally says.

“Yes. Sorry for being rude.” He replies.

I exhale. I suppose that that will do, Lord. But I was hoping for a little more.

She exits the car and heads into the school. I look back at my son and the tears come again. Ugh, I thought we settled this.

“What’s the matter, buddy?”

“She’s not sorry for calling me THAT name.”

“What name?”

“A big fat liar.”

I remind him that she said she was sorry and asked forgiveness. I tell him that he doesn’t know his sister’s heart and is wrongly judging her motives.

“But I know she’s not sorry for that.”

Do you know how difficult it is to send your children off to school in this state? Do you know that feeling- like you’re watching opponents in a boxing match, each examining the other’s weaknesses, attempting to take their rival down with the hardest blow?

They are family! They are siblings! They are not enemies!

And this is what the Lord is telling ME this morning. YOU are family! YOU are siblings! YOU are not enemies!

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

-Ephesians 2:4-7

God’s people are my family. His servants are my siblings. Those He loves, I must love also, because we are in this together. We were dead in trespasses together, He made us alive together, He raised us up together, and He made us sit together. And when we walk together, the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us is made known for all to see because they will know us by our love (John 13:35.)

Do I portray a God of love and unity, or a God of anger and division? How often I wrongly judge another’s motives and heart’s intent. How many times has He said to me “Don’t you have something to say to her?” And how many times have I remained sitting in silence, walking among the world with division stirring in my heart. How difficult it must be for Him to send me out into the world carrying hatred and anger for His children, my family, my siblings.  We are in this together!

The Grand Canyon 8/2011

And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.

-John 17:22-23

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What Are My Chances?

Omnipotent- Having all power

Omniscient- Having all knowledge

Omnipresent- Always present- Present in all places at all times

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Is God omnipotent? Yes. Is God omniscient? Yes. Is God omnipresent? Yes. Do you really believe this? Let me rephrase that- Do I really believe this? Um… I thought so. *Sigh* This blogging thing is becoming really hard on my ego.

The Holy Spirit used a conversation I had with my mom through Facebook messaging to reveal again my heart of unbelief. Let me start from the beginning.

A few days ago, the family sat around watching HGTV. (Have I mentioned I adore this channel? That I feel inspired by it, even though almost every wall in my house remains bare…. I may be afraid of commitment.)After multiple episodes of amazing transformations, HGTVs Dream Home 2012 came on. Eyes glued to the TV, we watched in awe as they revealed room after room of beauty and surprise. Let me tell you, this home has it all! If you ever dreamed of THE perfect home, this is it!

Not only is this house amazing, but they are GIVING IT AWAY! Wait, it gets even better. The blessed receiver will not only be handed this FULLY FURNISHED 1.5 MILLION DOLLAR MANSION, but also a brand spanking new 2012 GMC TERRAIN, and (as if that’s not enough) $500.000!!!! Can you say “Mine, mine, mine, mine (insert seagulls from Finding Nemo)?” I think you can envision the pools of drool on my hardwood floor as four pairs of eyes gazed covetously at the TV screen. We were ready to pack up and move to Utah! Before the episode was over, I was on the computer entering to win, OF COURSE!

My son (age 10½) was begging me, “please mom, can we get it, can we get it?” I gently reminded him that I had no control over who would win this unbelievable prize, that all I could do was enter the drawing, and that he should pray and ask God for this house. He was instantly disappointed, stating “since we don’t NEED the house, God won’t give it to us.” “But Joseph, the bible says ‘If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!’ (Matt 7:11) God does not only give us what we need, He enjoys blessing us just as we enjoy blessing each other. But you have to ask Him.” See what a wonderfully spirit filled mom I am. Yeah, I was pretty proud of myself too. BUT NOT FOR LONG.

The next day I sent my mom a Facebook message (private of course), telling her she needed to enter this drawing so one of us could win. I explained that she shouldn’t tell anyone else

about the drawing because if they entered, it would lessen our chance of winning (hence the private message). There’s that word- chance. Ugh. But I don’t believe in chance. I believe that God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent! I believe He is in control and I leave nothing in the hands of chance. Really? Hmmmm, your thinking would say otherwise. Yes, I was once again being convicted.

I was equally convicted of attempting to steal a blessing and a gift that God may have for someone else by being deceitful and selfish. As if I could do anything to keep this unbelievable home from being handed over to the one God already decided would receive it! Do I really think I’m all that?! Apparently so.

Well, I’ve made a short story long. To wrap it up, I confessed my selfishness, unbelief, and pride, and thanked God for revealing my heart to me again. I am now giving you the links to enter (however, I don’t think I can pray for you to win… I’m not quite there yet L). You can enter twice a day, once here, and once here. (I enter four times a day- once at each site for my hubby, and once at each site for myself). See, I’m giving you all my secrets!

I really do hope one of us wins! Oh, and if you win, you must have us over for a nice loooooooonnnnnnngggg visit! J

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” –Mark 9:24

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The Power of Relationship Part I

Have you ever wondered just how much power runs through these lines? Sometimes when running, my brain begins dwelling on things that wouldn’t normally receive a second thought. After all, as long as I can turn on lights, blow-dry my hair, watch Food Network, and run the microwave, I’m good to go. Lately however, these darn little lines have been on my mind. And not just when I run anymore, but as I’m driving, walking into a store, even when I open my fridge and miraculously have cold food awaiting us. This whole power thing is pretty amazing really! So, back to my original question: have you ever wondered just how much power runs through these lines? Haha, I thought so!

If you do a little Googling, you will find that neighborhood street lines run about 330V of power through them.  You will also discover that under the right conditions a 9V battery could kill you. The whole death issue pretty much depends on something called amperes, or amps. Now, I’m no rocket scientist, but if a 9V batter has the potential to take human life, what will a 330V power line do? Well, power a city, that’s what! And this leads me to my rabbit trail because, when I consider these power lines, my brain somehow concludes that they work a lot like people. And not only people, but relationships.

God is all about relationship. He desires that we have a relationship with Him and with each other.  And these relationships must be person, to person, to person.

Relationships don’t happen on Sunday morning, in the Mega Church, or even meeting for a bible study once a week. Relationships are intimate, raw, and real. They are daily. Another word for these relationships is DISCIPLESHIP. When I think of Jesus’ relationship with His disciples, I imagine them walking for hours together, eating three meals a day together, praying daily together, healing people together, preaching the word together, even getting into a boat and fishing together. These guys did everything together! Their life was each other.

This is what relationships are. I think this is what God’s heart for His people is. After Jesus was crucified, resurrected, then raised into heaven, the result of these relationships began to manifest and in one day three thousand souls were added to God’s kingdom (Acts 2:41)! Talk about power! My mind envisions 330 volts charging through the electrical lines above my house, and I begin to get a little freaked out. As I consider the incomprehensible power of the Holy Spirit at work in relationships, I start feeling anxious and overwhelmed. This is some serious power.

Because we rely so heavily on electricity, the city takes great measures to assure nothing obstructs its path. However, disaster does strike, leaving our power poles and lines in a heaped mess. When this happens, thousands can be left with no power resulting in dangerous situations for hospitals, the elderly, and those with no other heat sources. Electricity is vital to our everyday life and sometimes we don’t even realize it until we are without.

Likewise, relationships are vital to our everyday life and we must take great measures to assure nothing comes between us and those we are to be in relationship with. We may need to cut something out of our busy schedule, or set an alarm everyday reminding us to make a phone call. And like the electricity in our homes, sometimes we don’t realize the power of a relationship until we are without. This is where I find myself today, and I am convicted that I need to take action and make changes in my relationships. However, I know relationships take work, and time, and sometimes they are downright inconvenient. Please pray for me, and if you are in a similar struggle, leave a comment so I can pray for you.

Stop by tomorrow for The Power of Relationship Part II.

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

-Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

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To Everything There is a Season

It is said that our brains need about eight hours of sleep each night to receive maximum rejuvenation. It is also believed that a short 10-20 minute nap will revitalize the tired mind. However too much sleep at night, or napping longer than the allotted twenty minutes is likely to leave us unmotivated and lethargic. Of course, a little coffee will fix that problem (haha!), but only for a short time. Science also tells us that during times of rest and sleep all of our body’s muscles are allowed to grow, repair, and strengthen.

So, when I’m at the gym pumping iron, exerting myself on the elliptical, swimming laps in the pool, or running on the treadmill am I not strengthening my muscles? While persevering through two years of college courses and straining to help my daughter with Algebra, am I not benefitting my brain? This whole time all I really needed was sleep? Um, no! Don’t we all wish it were that simple! Unfortunately it’s not. Sadly, we must have a combination of both exercise and rest, and truth be told, the majority of us lack in one or both of these areas; we either don’t get enough sleep, don’t get enough exercise, or both.

La Cruz Sinaloa Mexico

Quite a few years ago, after multiple short term trips to Mexico, God called my family back for a five month “missionary” adventure. I was so excited, anticipating the opportunity to serve, minister, teach, encourage, do anything and everything for God’s kingdom! After all, that’s what we did during the short weeks we spent there previously. The reality of living in Mexico was far from my hopes and expectations. Yes, we were busy studying, teaching, reaching out to others, and sharing the Good News. However, the majority of my time was spent homeschooling my daughter, doing laundry (such a difficult task when you remove American conveniences), cleaning up after my sick son (Mexican parasites), and simply being a mom. I remember questioning “Why do You have me here, Lord? I surely could do all of THIS back home.” Little did I realize it was during this time that God was taking all the things He had taught me years prior and building them up. When I felt as if I were completely ineffective and useless, God was strengthening me in my faith, my beliefs, my relationship with Him; He was walking me higher up that Mountain!

Although we cannot feel, see, or sense our brains and muscles growing and developing at night, we know they are. We can also take comfort in the fact that He is at work in each of us whether we feel it or not, just as He was with me in Mexico. Nevertheless, we must not neglect the importance of both resting in Him and running hard for Him. Just as too much sleep and insignificant exercise leave us lethargic, running hard and neglecting those Red Light Moments will profoundly hinder our growth. What season of life are you in right now? Are you working those muscles, pushing as hard as you can push, letting Him stretch you beyond your capabilities? Or are you resting and allowing God to strengthen and rebuild?

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven… a time to break down, and a time to build up.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1,3

Got Fruit?

Do you love my poinsettia? Isn’t it the prettiest holiday plant you’ve ever seen? Don’t you want to run out and purchase one just like it?! Hardly! Did you even recognize it as a poinsettia? I received it from my big sis last Christmas season and have somehow managed to keep it alive the entire year. However, I grow more and more frustrated as I look at it each day, desiring for it to produce the red poinsettia leaves it once bore. Now, I know it won’t. I know it’s going to remain the way it is because I didn’t take the time to put it in a dark room so it could produce its leaves this Christmas season. Honestly, I’m ready to throw it out! I want to be rid of it and go purchase one filled with crimson red leaves! Recalling the fig tree Jesus caused to wither for lack of production (Mk 11:12-14, 20-21) leads me to seriously consider throwing that poinsettia out and teaching it a similar lesson.

Perhaps rather, my poinsettia is teaching me a lesson. Maybe it’s screaming at me that as a disciple of Jesus, I MUST bear fruit (Jn 15:8). Yes, sunlight and water has sustained it, just as the Son’s Light and Living Water will sustain me. However, unless it is kept in just the right conditions, it’s not going to bear the red leaves it was created to bear. Likewise, I will not bear the fruit I am designed for unless I am abiding in my Savior, being pruned and shaped by Him (Jn 15:1-8).

I read an article the other day of a mango tree that bears fruit all year round. Have you ever heard of such a thing? “The speciality of the tree is that its branches bear the fruits in different stages – from flowering to ripening – at the same time. While one branch has flowers, the others have matured mangoes.” Do you ever feel like this tree; like just when you figure one thing out and begin successfully bearing fruit in that area of your life, the other areas are completely undernourished and unfruitful? My thought- as long as you are bearing fruit, God is pleased to call you His disciple! We will never be perfect in every area of life and while those unfruitful areas seem useless at the moment, God is working, preparing them to bloom at any moment.

The article goes on to describe special irrigation and fertilizing techniques that make for the best fruit. As we are irrigated with Christ’s Living Water, fertilized by His Word daily, and pruned by Him in fellowship, trials, and joys, He will be faithful to produce in us good fruit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal 5:22-23).

So, I think I will permit my poinsettia to live, continue watering it, moving it around as needed to get its proper sunlight.  I will also receive its daily reminders that I can simply survive this life we call the Christian walk, or I can be more like the mango tree, bearing fruit in and out of season, being clearly recognized as a disciple of Jesus Christ.

For she shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads

out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes;

but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the

year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit.

-Jeremiah 17:8

Step by Step

If you are following my posts much (which of course, I pray you are), I hope you haven’t grown weary of my ramblings related to running. As I shared on my About Me page, although I acknowledge that God is always speaking to me, it is during my runs that I tend to be most tuned in to Him. It is during this time that I am able to put this world and its cares aside and ponder Him, His voice, His Word. I am thankful for this time with Him!

So today I reflect on rejoicing in the moment; directing my attention on the day at hand because this is the day the Lord has made (Ps 118:24). One thing I have been learning about myself is that I am rarely in the ‘here and now,’ but rather in the ‘there and then.’ In other words, I am so consumed with my destination that I neglect the very place God has me in at this moment.

A quarter of the way into my run today, I realized I was losing energy all too soon. The reason? Simply put, I was so engrossed in finishing that I was not paying attention to my speed and started out too fast (story of my life). However, as I slowed my stride, attempting to focus on each step, I began feeling less winded, as though I would finish the full course, and I did.

God’s Word tells me to press toward the goal by reaching for that prize (Phil 3:14) and running hard for Him (Heb 12:1). However, if I don’t count the cost, I may stop short and be unable to finish (Lk 14:28-30). How embarrassing is that? Who starts a race they are not convinced they can finish? Certainly not me.

I desire to take these small lessons and apply them to my daily walk as a wife, mother, friend, and daughter. I desperately long to relish each moment I have. I yearn to appreciate the ‘little’ things in life, to focus on each step, to slow down my pace, and to see God’s hand at work. These are the things that nourish and strengthen me to finish strong tomorrow. These are the things that allow me to fight the good fight, finish the race, keep the faith, and grab hold of my crown (2 Tim 4:7-8).

For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it- lest after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘this man began to build and was not able to finish’?

~ Luke 14:28-30

Going Nowhere

Before I knew it, it was after two in the afternoon and I hadn’t gotten my run in for the day. Korrie’s basketball game was only a couple hours away so I knew I needed to get to it. I also knew my chances of not having to run in the rain were slim, since it had been pouring nonstop most of the day. I made the decision and stepped onto the dreaded treadmill. Ugh. And dreadful it was! I tried reading my Kindle while running, tried tuning into the video Joe had playing (too sci-fi for me), even tried distracting myself with Korrie’s iPod. Nothing worked! The crisp, cool outside air kept beckoning me. The smoldering heat of the woodstove made breathing nearly impossible. Over and over I found myself pressed up against the bar at the front of the treadmill, my body desperately trying to GO somewhere. Did I mention it was dreadful?

After about fifteen minutes, the rain ceased, and I couldn’t resist taking that chance. I flung myself off the treadmill, threw my jacket on, and escaped out the front door, quickly hollering at the kids, “be back in a few!” The outdoors never felt quite so refreshing! What a relief! There is nothing else like the sound of feet on concrete, the icy winter wind on one’s face, and the feeling of actually GOING SOMEWHERE! After all, running is NOT meant to keep you in one place.

The apostle Paul refers to the life of a child of God as a race (2 Tim 4:7). We are designed to go somewhere. We are made to do something. We have a calling. We have a purpose, and that purpose is not to stay in one place. I’m not necessarily referring to the need for every Christian to ‘GO’ to a foreign land as a missionary (unless you are called to do so, of course). I am referring to the simple act of obedience and growing in Christ. What has He called you to do? What is the desire of your heart? What do you long for? Are you doing it? Or are you staying comfortably in one place, suffocating in the stagnation of it all? Don’t you long to get out there and experience the freedom that comes from obedience? I know I do! I also know it’s not always easy. However, when we make that choice -when we put those shoes on and step out that door, pushing ourselves even though it’s so hard- this is when we feel accomplished.

Now, you might be arguing that the dreaded treadmill is not all bad; and you would be right. It actually offers me a GOOD workout. However, I want to strive for a BETTER workout. No, I want to strive for the BEST workout.  Just after I reached my house after my run that day, it started pouring again. I laughed out loud and thanked God for my fifteen minutes of clear weather. When God see’s our willing hearts, our desire to run hard for Him, He will hold back that rain and bless us beyond belief.

What desires has He placed in your heart? What do you so desperately yearn to obey Him in? Please share so I can pray for you.

Forgetting and Remembering

This may sound like one long ramble, and I apologize ahead of time.  However, if you endure to the end, you will find I do reach a conclusion.  I anticipate reading your conclusions as well!

Today I am meditating on forgetting, yet remembering. In Isaiah 43:18-19, God instructs us NOT to remember the former things, nor to consider the “things of old.” Yet, a few chapters later He tells us we ARE to remember the “things of old” because He is God and there is no other; He is God and there is none like Him (Is 46:9). His Word commands both and we know there are NO contradictions with our Lord. Ugh, can you see why I become so confused? This is why we must take all of God’s word, chew on it for a while, spit it back up, and then chew on it some more.  Sounds not only tedious, but kind of gross, I know. However, the result is well worth the effort and risk. 
 

While meditating on this thought, I am lead to Paul’s words of forgetting those things which were behind in order to reach forward to that which lies ahead (Phil 3:13-14). So, maybe forgetting assists us in moving forward. Ok… if remembering keeps us from moving forward, is it because of the types of things we are remembering?  Is it that we are supposed to not remember the bad, ugly things of our past? No, that can’t be, since I’m convinced that God allows some of the most difficult times in life to teach, train, and draw us closer to Him (such as the life of Job: James 5:11). So, it’s not about forgetting the bad and remembering the good (my previously referred scriptures say nothing of that anyway).

After more chewing and spitting up, I go to the words of 1 Chronicles 16:12- Remember His marvelous works which He has done, His wonders, and the judgments of His mouth. For now (and if I am wrong God will reveal even this to me, maybe through you!), I find my answer in this small verse. The purpose of remembering is to recall what God has done (His marvelous works and wonders) in my life and in the lives of those who have left us a testimony.  I am told to forget however, because I cannot move forward if I am stuck in one place, focused on the things I have or haven’t done. Focusing on my successes can lead to pride, while focusing on my failures can lead to doubt, fear, or frustration. In short, it comes down to removing myself - forgetting the 'me' of the past, and focusing solely on Christ- remembering who 'He' is and what 'He' has done.  This will strengthen my faith and grow my love and knowledge of Him. I must take me out of the equation! Clear as mud? J

Run For It!

Run For It!

I’ve recently contracted a bug: the running/workout bug. Isn’t it exciting to realize you are capable of doing something you never thought you could? How exhilarating to press on and push forward, then look back and see just how far you’ve come!  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no marathon runner. It would actually be more accurate to call myself a jogger rather than a runner. However, my accomplishment of being able push myself for thirty minutes is hardly a small one in my eyes. Yes, there are those moments when I start looking at fitness giants tackling four hour marathons or even triathlons and my thirty minutes quickly morph into something hardly worth getting excited about. Aside from these occasional moments of comparison and discouragement, my running experience has been such a blessing.  And I am learning a few things about myself in the process.

1. I can only go as far as I push myself.  I will consistently lose momentum at the one mile mark if I don’t push myself to go further.  Once I push harder, forcing myself beyond that mile, then I begin building endurance, get stronger, and will go further the next time.

2. I am discovering parts of my body that do not like to cooperate. My somewhat smaller, weaker leg will burn and scream in protest, many times convincing my brain and the rest of my body that unless we stop now we shall surely die. Or my lungs will ache, unable to suck in adequate oxygen, alarming my brain of some imagined danger. However, these parts of my body are just that, a small part of a larger body, and they must not be allowed to decide that I will not reach my full potential.

3. Small goals lead to success! Large goals can result in death. I can tell myself to run to the next stop sign and then feel great accomplishment when I reach that stop sign, or even go a little further. However if my goal is not the next stop sign, but the next five stop signs, and I don’t make that goal, I am setting myself up for discouragement, failure, and a lack of desire to get out there tomorrow and set another goal.

As a follower of Christ I can take these small lessons in daily running and apply them to my daily walk: 1. I can choose to stay where I’m comfortable and never reach my full potential in the gifts God has given me, or I can take a risk, ask God to use me, and make myself more available to Him. This makes my faith and walk stronger each day. 2. I have an obligation to my Lord and His people as a part of the body of Christ. I can choose to actively fill that role using the gifts God has placed in me (such as writing something small and sharing it daily), or I can hold myself and the body as a whole back by complaining, grumbling, or not trusting what God is doing when the road is difficult and sometimes painful. 3. Rather than having unrealistic expectations, I can set small goals for myself and then walk in them.  Rather than decide to read the whole bible in a year, I can tell myself to read for 5 minutes every day for a week.  Now that is something I can do! I can likewise support others in their “small” successes, encouraging them to go just a little further each day in this walk with Jesus.  I pray that this blog is one way I can accomplish that!

Comments, opposing views, additional insight?  Please do share!  I am having a blast sharing with you and I truly hope you feel free to do the same!

At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God. So don't sit around on your hands! No more dragging your feet! Clear the path for long-distance runners so no one will trip and fall, so no one will step in a hole and sprain an ankle. Help each other out. And run for it!

~Hebrews 12:11-13 (The Message)