Friday, March 15, 2013

Five Minute Friday- Rest

His word promises that if I seek Him first, if I seek His kingdom first, the rest will be taken care of.

I begin my day with the One who always was. He never wasn't and He always will be and He chooses to sit with me and encourage me in His Word daily. I think on the hard things. I reread and read again because my feeble mind can't comprehend His greatness. I move into prayer and I am speechless. What does a wretched wife and mom say to this just and powerful Being? Words and thoughts could never be enough. Yet, I know He wants to hear from me.

I have a million, trillion, gazillion things to ask for: requests for friends and friends of friends, for missionaries, for the persecuted, for those closest to my heart, and for the one with possibly the most need- myself. Because as I gaze into the mirror, I see the stuff that shouldn't be there. But He reminds me to simply seek Him first.

And that is what I've been attempting to do. Why is it so difficult? Shouldn't it be simple to dwell on the Creator of the grandest galaxies and the smallest cells? He is amazing. Why is this so hard?

And so I am forced to rush through my 'time' with Him because the day ahead is full and I am already running behind. Get the kids up, make their lunches, hope you don't have to leave the house too messy, and don't forget you have to get gas on the way.

This is when the 'rest' that I somehow thought would be painless and perfect begins to look awful and oh so unholy. But Lord, I spent time with you this morning. I was in your Word, mediating on Your goodness. I asked you to bless my day and to help me be an example of You to these! What happened? Why am I yelling at my son? Why am I so full of frustration? You said You would take care of it!

Do I sound like a lost child? I had a huge pity party and cried the whole way to school. My son simply said he was sorry and thanked me for making his lunch. I cried even more because I know that a soft answer turns away wrath, yet my gracious God took my failure and used even that to mold the heart of my son. And the heart of this mom. And I fought back tears throughout the day because I want to simply enter His rest. I want to be done with the striving and the hurt. I cannot bear the pain of that knife in my chest being twisted and turned. I can't bear the failure of this whole mom thing.

I see that reflection and know even more so how much I am in need of my Savior. And I am so grateful that He would even have me; that my son would even hug me and apologize to a mama that needs to be rebuked. I hope that someday my children know the pain of a parent; the reason we do what we do and look so crazy and out of sorts. I hope they can understand that as I correct them and reproof them, I am twisted up inside because my own sin is so unbearable. They think I'm attempting to remove their plank, but really it's just a speck compared to my own.

But seek Him first. That is what I continue to do. Despite my shortcomings and my sins. Despite my words of wrath and my harsh reactions. Despite my inability to see Him as He truly is, I seek Him and He faithfully responds.

Yes, even in the yuck of life, He offers me rest for my soul. I accept!

(Five minutes? This took me twenty!)

Lisa-Jo offers the challenge week after week: take a measly five minutes (or half an hour, whatever get's us typing!) and write. No over thinking, no backtracking, no ‘wait, that’s not spiritual enough, and I can’t share that in cyber city’ mentality. Only writing. Writing for five minutes and risking the outcome. This week’s prompt- REST

{and don’t forget to spend some time commenting on the post of the person who linked up just before you}

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1 comment:

  1. This is so full of truth, Steph. And sometimes the best thing you find in your day is that God took your anger and brought repentance out of it, in you and your son. You are a great mama : )


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