The Excellent Wife Needs Friends {Douglas County Moms}

I'm keeping real today over at Douglas County Moms.  If you ever feel like you don't measure up or could never be like one of THOSE MOMS, then you need to read this...

We sat around the living room, wood stove warming the house and casual conversations melting one woman's heart into the one beside her over a book called, “The Excellent Wife.”

Our children were toddlers and we concerned ourselves with healthy snacks, appropriate bedtimes, how many episodes of Veggie Tales were acceptable in a sitting, and how we were going to be as good as the super mom seated beside us.

I cried that day.

I cried because I wasn't as diligent to pre-plan meals, organize homeschool material, or research organic versus non-organic bananas...

Continue reading here...

That's the excitement in obedience, finding out later what God had in mind.” - Brother Andrew, God's Smuggler

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Are You Ruining Your Kids?

I know I'm not the only mom to ever have a daughter in High School. I also know I'm not the only mom to feel like the decisions I make for her will either make or break her. To feel like I bear the rest of her life on my weak, bony shoulders. To feel as if her entire future rests in these two empty, shaky hands, and in these short High School years. If any of you can relate, I could use a hearty 'Amen' right now.

You see, although we are a part of a small school at our local church, we are still considered homeschoolers, which means I (not some Board of Education or Master's Degree bearing Instructors) am responsible to prepare her academically for the world. I must make the tough decisions- homeschool or public school; early college courses or keep her home as long as possible; SATS, GEDS, or an Accredited Diploma… it's a vast list with endless questions, guilt, and what-ifs.

What-if I enroll her in that college course and she fails? Then I will have been responsible for creating an adult who fears college life, has a poor self image, and therefore busses tables or sweeps floors for the rest of her life. (Yet that last part sounds like the start of a great wife and mom)

What-if I enroll her in that college course and she succeeds? She not only discovers she's a bright student but a capable adult as well. She begins putting herself out there, challenging herself, and finding talents and abilities she didn't know she had. She becomes a confident woman able to make decisions and take on difficult tasks.  

What-if I choose to homeschool all the way through and she has no friends, never dates a boy, turns out socially awkward, and is unable to participate in society on her own?

What-if I decide to put her in a local public school, where she gets a good education, is well prepped for college, but meets a boy, and ends up pregnant and married? Yikes, she could end up like me! (That last line was sarcasmJ)

Of course any of these scenarios could have any outcome. But do you see how easily one decision could shape the rest of her life? Are you with me here Mama? Are you bearing the burden of your child's whole future? Because if you are, then you need to get a grip, as I have. If you are overwhelmed with Mommy-decisions, and thinking you are solely responsible for your High Schooler's (or your toddler's) entire life, then you are mistaken and need a good dose of Biblical Truth. 

And the truth is, You-Are-Not-In-Control.

There it is. Those simple five words could change your life, Mom. Here's another profound statement- When you make a wrong choice, it won't be the end of the world. Notice I said when and not if. Because even the best of parents will make wrong turns and poor decisions. That's you, Mom. You will fail. Guaranteed.

I'm not writing to completely discourage and deflate you. I'm actually here to encourage you. To fill the burdened, failing Mom with hope and peace, so stick with me.

In 1 Samuel 8, we find the Israelites demanding a king to judge them like all the surrounding nations. Rather than submit themselves to the LORD their King, they wanted another king- a manly king. Although they rejected the Lord, He granted them their request. But not without warning: their king would take. He would take their fields, their servants, their grain, their sheep, even their sons for battle, and their daughters for pleasure. The people did not heed the warning, took kings for themselves, and reaped deathly consequences.

And here's the hope we find within the failure of God's people-

"After that He gave them judges for about four hundred and fifty years, until Samuel the prophet. And afterward they asked for a king; so God gave them Saul the son of Kish, a man of the tribe of Benjamin, for forty years. And when He had removed him, He raised up for them David as king, to whom also He gave testimony and said, ‘I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all My will.’  From this man’s seed, according to the promise, God raised up for Israel a Savior—Jesus."

Acts 13:20-23

Our God- He is so much grander than our minds can fathom. So full of good gifts and perfect plans. He took even this decision, this rebellion, and orchestrated it into His most beautiful plan of redemption. The Lord Jesus would come from the lineage of King David. King David- a man after God's own heart, yes. A man chosen by God to lead the people, yes. But also king because of a terrible decision the people made. King because of rebellion and a choice that went against God's instruction.

But God used even this to bring the Redeemer into the world and save His people from their sin. Even this.

So when you read, and quote the words of Paul, do you believe it?

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Do you believe it? Do you see, Mom, that even your wrong decision will be worked into God's perfect plan of redemption? You can take that overpowering weight from your weak shoulders and breathe. No, I'm not giving you an excuse for rebellion or to take decisions lightly. I'm simply offering you the freedom to seek God for wisdom who gives generously to all, and trust Him with the outcome.

He knows the end from the beginning, and that is enough to give any weary mom the strength and courage to raise God's children. Because after all, they're really His kids, right?

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What I REALLY Want for my Children

For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?

Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? ~Matt 16:26

Or what would a mama give in exchange for her child's soul? I read of God's people following after the ways of the world and sacrificing their children to demons (Psalm 106:37). Why would you do such a thing? What drives a parent to give their child over to such wickedness? The world. Fear. Doubt.

This morning I was led to pray failure for my children. Failure! Why? Because I've been trying something different during prayer lately.

Can Jesus Christ see the agony of His soul in us? He can't unless we are so closely identified with Him that we have His view concerning the people for whom we pray. May we learn to intercede so wholeheartedly that Jesus Christ will be completely and overwhelmingly satisfied with us as intercessors. ~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

I've been seeking/striving/learning to not use my time in prayer for prayer alone, but for worship. Can I really practice one without the other? Can I really pray in Jesus' Name without first recognizing who He is? Can I agonize with Jesus for another without becoming one with Him? A mysterious thing happens when we offer praises to Almighty. I'm not talking about out of body, mystical experiences. I'm referring to real-life changes in our thoughts, our desires, and our understanding of people and events around us.

If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire and it

shall be done for you. John 15:7

My motherly flesh has ideas about what's best for my children: academic success; a stable, high paying job; good health; a secure retirement plan; anything that will guarantee their comfort and safety. But what does their Lord want? Because ultimately they are His first, and mine second. I have them on loan for just a brief moment, and my only responsibility- point them to Jesus.

So I worship and sit in awe. I envision a grand throne, and on it sits the Savior. He is my Master. He is praying for this mama and for these little ones; the ones entrusted to me. And what is His desire? I find no longing for prosperity, or safety, or success, or even health. This Perfect One has one perfect care- that they would hunger and thirst for the God that quenches and satisfies.

And which of us with full bellies and fat checkbooks will plead to God for needs that don't exist. Why would my children seek out Living Water and the Bread of Life when they are feasting on greasy cheeseburgers and deep fried french-fries? In making themselves rich, and having need of nothing, they can't see that they are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked.

It's in their weakness He's made strong. It's when they fall, He lifts them up. It's through the deep waters and burning flames that The Rescuer is revealed.

I don’t want to ask that "we make it safely to school this morning" but rather, "Lord, whatever it takes to show us our desperate need, and make us crave you more, let it be!" I don’t want it to be easy, I want it to be fruitful. I don’t want my children to do it all right and never know the disappointment of seeing the flesh fail. I want them to fall face first and see that they are nothing without Christ and that while Christ is everything with or without them, He pursues them so that they will pursue Him.

What drives a parent to sacrifice their children's souls? Fear. When I imagine my children failing, I transfer that failure to myself. Suddenly their failure becomes my failure. All of a sudden I bear all responsibility for that poor test score, the missing homework assignment, or the really, really, really bad choice that was made. And if I am responsible for their failure, then I must be just as responsible for their success. And when they see me beating myself up and knocking myself around for their failure, they will either condemn themselves for my sake, or grow in bitterness toward me because I am the reason they can't do anything right.

No one is perfect! No, not one! Reflecting their failure on myself requires taking the light off of Christ. And taking the light off of Christ means they will not run to Him in need.

What good is it if they gain the whole world and lose their souls? What benefit is the best education, finest stick built home, and secured bank account when you're spending eternity in misery?

Self sufficient, independent, strong and capable children who recognize their desperate need for the Risen Lord- Impossible? No, but rare.

Yes, I want them to succeed, be happy, live pain free, and not have to worry about tomorrow. But what I want more than that is for them to hunger and thirst! I need them to need the Savior. The self-sufficient, independent, strong and capable child lacks nothing and has need of no one. He who finds himself poor, blind, destitute, and lonely also comes to find himself in Christ- not in a career, or a sport, or a spouse, or even a religion.

In Christ alone the lost are found,

To the one in need- will grace abound.

The rich, the proud, the able one,

How hard it is to need the Son.

But when you fail and when you fall,

You come to find He's your all in all.

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Five Minute Friday- Rest

His word promises that if I seek Him first, if I seek His kingdom first, the rest will be taken care of.

I begin my day with the One who always was. He never wasn't and He always will be and He chooses to sit with me and encourage me in His Word daily. I think on the hard things. I reread and read again because my feeble mind can't comprehend His greatness. I move into prayer and I am speechless. What does a wretched wife and mom say to this just and powerful Being? Words and thoughts could never be enough. Yet, I know He wants to hear from me.

I have a million, trillion, gazillion things to ask for: requests for friends and friends of friends, for missionaries, for the persecuted, for those closest to my heart, and for the one with possibly the most need- myself. Because as I gaze into the mirror, I see the stuff that shouldn't be there. But He reminds me to simply seek Him first.

And that is what I've been attempting to do. Why is it so difficult? Shouldn't it be simple to dwell on the Creator of the grandest galaxies and the smallest cells? He is amazing. Why is this so hard?

And so I am forced to rush through my 'time' with Him because the day ahead is full and I am already running behind. Get the kids up, make their lunches, hope you don't have to leave the house too messy, and don't forget you have to get gas on the way.

This is when the 'rest' that I somehow thought would be painless and perfect begins to look awful and oh so unholy. But Lord, I spent time with you this morning. I was in your Word, mediating on Your goodness. I asked you to bless my day and to help me be an example of You to these! What happened? Why am I yelling at my son? Why am I so full of frustration? You said You would take care of it!

Do I sound like a lost child? I had a huge pity party and cried the whole way to school. My son simply said he was sorry and thanked me for making his lunch. I cried even more because I know that a soft answer turns away wrath, yet my gracious God took my failure and used even that to mold the heart of my son. And the heart of this mom. And I fought back tears throughout the day because I want to simply enter His rest. I want to be done with the striving and the hurt. I cannot bear the pain of that knife in my chest being twisted and turned. I can't bear the failure of this whole mom thing.

I see that reflection and know even more so how much I am in need of my Savior. And I am so grateful that He would even have me; that my son would even hug me and apologize to a mama that needs to be rebuked. I hope that someday my children know the pain of a parent; the reason we do what we do and look so crazy and out of sorts. I hope they can understand that as I correct them and reproof them, I am twisted up inside because my own sin is so unbearable. They think I'm attempting to remove their plank, but really it's just a speck compared to my own.

But seek Him first. That is what I continue to do. Despite my shortcomings and my sins. Despite my words of wrath and my harsh reactions. Despite my inability to see Him as He truly is, I seek Him and He faithfully responds.

Yes, even in the yuck of life, He offers me rest for my soul. I accept!

(Five minutes? This took me twenty!)

Lisa-Jo offers the challenge week after week: take a measly five minutes (or half an hour, whatever get's us typing!) and write. No over thinking, no backtracking, no ‘wait, that’s not spiritual enough, and I can’t share that in cyber city’ mentality. Only writing. Writing for five minutes and risking the outcome. This week’s prompt- REST

{and don’t forget to spend some time commenting on the post of the person who linked up just before you}

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The Silver Lining

I don’t mean to be a Debby Downer going on and on about my family’s struggles and heartaches, but let’s face it, life is hard, and sometimes we need to know that it’s just as hard for others as well.  We also need to glimpse that silver lining; to know that somewhere in what seems an impossible, unrelenting tempest, there’s hope, and light is shining through those dark clouds.

Lately I’ve been walking one of the most difficult paths, facing a storm whose strength is unlike any other I have encountered. The waves are crashing in, knocking me down, taking every ounce of joy, comfort, and life I possess; leaving me exhausted and sorrowful. This storm- seeing my girl face life for the first time.

I can’t bear to see the wounds! I can’t endure the pain she’s facing! I want to take every tear, every disappointment, every moment of loneliness, and carry it for her! But I can’t, and this scares me.

As we sat quietly, listening to her share, and cry, and cry some more, I couldn’t help but weep myself. It was such a relief to see her finally open up. What a blessing to hear the heart of my baby girl. But it tore me in half listening to the pain. She’s hurting! She’s facing life’s struggles, and those struggles are no longer as simple as choosing which cereal to eat for breakfast or what color to paint her nails. My girl is encountering trials, and these trials are not short lived, but will continue to challenge her for years to come.

Where’s the silver lining here? These struggles she’s facing- I’ve faced them time and again. The loneliness she’s experiencing- I’ve experienced it so often myself. Those feelings of hopelessness; that sense of being alone and having no one who can relate- I know that feeling! I can empathize with my daughter’s season of sadness because I have faced these seasons myself; and this is my silver lining.

However, a fourteen year old struggles to find comfort in her mother’s wisdom or in the fact that Jesus Christ faced similar trials and felt similar pain. I have no magic words that will wipe away the hurt or shorten the storm. I cannot take away the grief, lessen the sorrow, or remove her from the trial. What I can do is be there to listen, remind her that she’s loved, and pray with her and for her. I have set an alarm on my phone at a precise time each day; at a time when my girl faces her struggles; at a time I anticipate God will speak to her, comfort her, and use her to reach out to others.

I’m here for you. I’m listening to your struggles. I feel your pain. I am praying you through this. I love you <3

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It's Too Stinkin Hard

It’s the hills that bring on the ‘stinkin thinkin.’ It’s the difficult, seemingly impossible parts of the trail that beg me to give in, give up, and collapse in utter defeat. The hubby decided we’d take a new route this morning and I am all about change, because I rapidly grow tired of my ordinary, dull surroundings. In the first 12 years of our marriage, we moved 12 times. The act of rounding up boxes (you’d think I would have learned to keep them around), packing, relocating, and unpacking was dreadful EACH AND EVERY TIME, but I always anticipated the change.

I’m not the type that has an hourly or even daily schedule. I don’t require order, I usually clean when I think someone might be stopping by, I wait until 6:00 or 7:00 (pm) to decide what’s for dinner (um, pizza?), and I leave clothes in the drying far too long. Ok, I do insist the towels are folded just so, but that’s about the extent of my OCD, on most days anyway. I’m not one to make a schedule, follow a schedule, or even desire a schedule. This may be the result of walking side by side with women who live by the schedule, trying to follow their wonderful example, failing time and again, only to drown in self condemnation.  Nope, I thrive on living for the moment and I welcome change because so many of my unplanned moments are just plain dull. And now I have digressed….

As we jogged away from the house and began a new course, I was slightly anxious about the unknown, yet excited about the change of pace. After only a few minutes, we began the difficult, slow trek up a dreaded hill. I try to avoid hills at all costs, yet here I was.  Thanks, hunny. Already the ‘stinkin thinking’ began its course; “I’m out of shape, I can’t do this hill.” “How far is he going to run?! I’ll never make it back home at this rate.” However, I countered with (insert something witty to counter stinkin thinkin) “This isn’t the worst hill ever.”“All I have to do is make it to the top.” And I could see the top! It wasn’t that far way and I rationalized that it must be downhill or at least level ground from there. And I was right. Well almost right. We did get an effortless, downhill breather, but it was short lived, as I glimpsed an even steeper, longer, more exaggerated hill just a few brief moments away. I was doomed. We had already gone two excruciating miles ascending the Myrtle Creek terrain, and I couldn’t fathom pushing myself even harder.

This was the moment of do or die. I envisioned myself sprawled out in defeat, flat on my back, attempting to suck in air, in the midst of a narrow, yet well traveled side road, being squashed by an oncoming car. I was forced to either let myself collapse, or push it even harder. So I pushed, and pushed, and pushed, and pushed. Finally, we rounded the top of the hill, overcoming defeat, only to encounter yet another larger, steeper, impossible incline. In the end we pushed it all the way. We didn’t stop. We didn’t slow. We didn’t give in, or give up. Not until we made it back home. Ahhhhh, home! And the feeling of accomplishment and success.

Lately, I have been running, walking, no mostly crawling up hill after hill after hill. It seems that each hill I conquer offers only another steeper, harder, more impossible hill. And right now, forget the hills, I’m climbing a mountain and my fingers are slipping and I feel I’m about to fall headlong into the vast chasm of defeat. It seems hopeless, yet I continue pushing, clawing, grasping for anything that will help me reach the top of this impossible mount. Most days, the summit is beyond my scope of sight and my faith begins to diminish.  Some days I glimpse the coming peak, gaining confidence, and an ability not of myself. And once in a while I actually climb over that impossible mountain only to come face to face to an even larger, more unbearable mount, covered in thorns that scrape, bruise, and scar.

Even so, I thank God for each and every step. I thank Him that I can’t see the larger hills ahead which might only prevent me from climbing the one I’m currently ascending. I thank Him that He puts me in a place where I must rely on Him and His strength or be crushed in my own defeat. I thank Him that the summit ahead offers relief, even if for only a minute second. I thank Him that no matter how steep and rugged the mountain may be, I will overcome it because He already has. His strength is manifested in my weakness, and I am so weak! I want to give up. I want to turn around and walk off that hill. I want to! However, I must round peak after peak after peak after peak. I must push, grasp, and not give up. And right now I MUST NOT focus on the upcoming mountains. I know this one is preparing me for what I am not capable of accepting or climbing. His ways are perfect, His plans are flawless, and His sight is 20/20.

Lord, let my ways be Your ways. Let my plans be Your plans. Let my sight not hinder my faith. Strengthen me Lord, and help me to not give in or give up. Help me to trust You with my life, my children’s lives, my marriage, and our future. I thank You that I cannot see what is ahead and I beg you to get me through this season, victoriously.


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We Are In This Together

“She’s talking rudely to me.” He utters as tears fill his eyes.

“Well I’m tired of you hitting the back of my chair!” She quickly counters with that harsh tone that paints a picture of eyes rolling.

I continue driving, praying for words and an attitude of peace. They carry on back and forth, back and forth- who can injure the other more; who will have the last word?

Finally I’ve had enough and proclaim “No one leaves this car until this is settled.”

We continue down the familiar road in silence. One minute goes by, then two, then five. Who will speak first? Who will confess their unkind words and selfish heart? Who will ask forgiveness?

Neither.

Lord, where have I gone wrong?

We are just minutes from the school. “No one has anything to say?” I demand.

“Sorry for my attitude. Will you forgive me?” She finally says.

“Yes. Sorry for being rude.” He replies.

I exhale. I suppose that that will do, Lord. But I was hoping for a little more.

She exits the car and heads into the school. I look back at my son and the tears come again. Ugh, I thought we settled this.

“What’s the matter, buddy?”

“She’s not sorry for calling me THAT name.”

“What name?”

“A big fat liar.”

I remind him that she said she was sorry and asked forgiveness. I tell him that he doesn’t know his sister’s heart and is wrongly judging her motives.

“But I know she’s not sorry for that.”

Do you know how difficult it is to send your children off to school in this state? Do you know that feeling- like you’re watching opponents in a boxing match, each examining the other’s weaknesses, attempting to take their rival down with the hardest blow?

They are family! They are siblings! They are not enemies!

And this is what the Lord is telling ME this morning. YOU are family! YOU are siblings! YOU are not enemies!

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

-Ephesians 2:4-7

God’s people are my family. His servants are my siblings. Those He loves, I must love also, because we are in this together. We were dead in trespasses together, He made us alive together, He raised us up together, and He made us sit together. And when we walk together, the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us is made known for all to see because they will know us by our love (John 13:35.)

Do I portray a God of love and unity, or a God of anger and division? How often I wrongly judge another’s motives and heart’s intent. How many times has He said to me “Don’t you have something to say to her?” And how many times have I remained sitting in silence, walking among the world with division stirring in my heart. How difficult it must be for Him to send me out into the world carrying hatred and anger for His children, my family, my siblings.  We are in this together!

The Grand Canyon 8/2011

And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.

-John 17:22-23

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The Rod of Correction

I’m so glad you stopped by! Today’s post turned out to be more of a book, so grab a cup of coffee, a comfy chair, your favorite slippers, and your bible, because this is gonna to take a while.

*********************

As I’ve thought and prayed lately about my son and the struggle we are walking in (you can read a little about that here), one verse has consistently came to mind:

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him. -Proverbs 22:15

In the past, I went to this particular word often. Lately, as I reflect on my son’s younger days, I recall having to physically discipline him day after day after day. For longer than I care to admit, there was not one single day that the physical rod was not used on my son’s rear-end. Wherever we went, the rod went. It was horrible, but it was consistent, done in love (most of the time), and it worked! Even my son knew it worked, as he would tell me at times that he needed to be placed back under God’s umbrella of protection by receiving some discipline. (Here is a blog post I came across that explains this concept, originally taken from TeddTripp’s Shepherding A Child’s Heart.)

 There came a time that we slowly ceased using that rod as discipline. Part of the reason is because he was learning obedience and didn’t need it as often. Another reason was because our foster children came to live with us, and since we were unable to discipline them in a way that utilized anything physical (believe me when I say this may have been the most difficult issue of my life), we resorted to other methods such as time-outs. As time went on, I found myself sending my son to ‘time-out,’ something we hadn’t previously done with our children. Eventually the physical discipline disappeared altogether.

Now my son is ten, and the years of physical discipline have passed. To use the rod at this point would only produce in him frustration, humiliation, and eventually bitterness and a hardened heart. As Proverbs 22:15 repeatedly came to my mind without fail throughout this past week, I kept disregarding it, thinking it simply didn’t apply any longer to the discipline of our children. However, I finally decided to seek God and the scriptures for an understanding of the rod as it pertains to my children, and I was drawn to the story of Moses.

In Exodus, Moses converses with God at the burning bush, when God informs him that he is to return to Egypt and release the Israelites from bondage. Moses responds by asking what he’s supposed to do if the people don’t believe he was sent by God (Ex 4:1). This is when God points out the rod in Moses’ hand, turns it into a serpent , back into a rod, and then proclaims “that they may believe that the LORD God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has appeared to you” (Ex 4:5).  This spoke to me in such a powerful way! The purpose of the rod in this situation was to make known who God is, and the authority He placed in Moses.

In chapters 7, 8, 9, 10, and 14, Moses and Aaron are commanded to use the rod for one purpose: “By this you shall know that I am the Lord” (Ex 7:17). After the Israelites are freed from the bondage of Egypt, we find them complaining of thirst in the desert. God sends Moses with the rod before the people to strike a rock, which springs forth water for all to drink (Ex 17:1-6). Moses is instructed on a later occurrence to again take the rod and go with Aaron before the people. This time however, God tells him to simply speak to the rock. Instead, Moses loudly proclaims the Israelites to be rebels and rather than speak to the rock, he strikes it not once, but twice, and water gushed from the rock, relieving the thirsty Israelites (Num 20:7-12).

This too spoke strongly to me regarding the rod and my children. I’m beginning to see the rod as more than just a physical device of discipline. God used the rod to show Himself to His children and to proclaim the authority He bestowed upon Moses as their leader. There were times for striking with the rod, and there were times for simply speaking the words of God. Yet, while Moses was to merely speak, he never ceased to bear the rod- the authority of God over the people. Could the rod of correction at times be the Word, which is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness (2 Tim 3:16) and spoken by the one holding God’s authority in another’s life?

The use of the rod must be backed with purpose and that purpose is to gently restore my children in their relationship with God, with me, and with others (Gal 6:1). Yet, I am an imperfect parent, and I fall short. However, even when I misrepresent the Lord to my children, and abuse the authority He has given me, as Moses did by striking the rock, God continues ministering to my children and providing for my children just as He did for the children of Israel. And just as Moses received a sever consequence (not leading the Israelites into the Promised Land) I too will be unable to receive God’s promises in my life, unable to lead my children in areas of blessing.

So how does Proverbs 22:15 and the use of the rod apply to me and my children? How do I take this word and use it in our home? I compiled a list of ten applications:

1. Don’t be surprised or caught off guard by my children’s foolishness and sin (Pro 22:15)

2. Remember that sin is a heart issue and things take time to ‘unbind’ (Pro 22:15)

3. Feed my children the word of God at all times and believe God for who He is (Deut 6:7, Num 20:12)

4. The way of discipline looks different for each child and in each season of life (Ex 17, Num 20)

5. Take my role of authority seriously, leading by example, and not abusing that roll (1 Pt5:2-3)

6. Be quick to confess to my children and ask forgiveness when I fall short (Matt 5:23-24)

7. Be gentle during times of discipline, always purposing to bring reconciliation (Gal 6:1, Matt 5:24)

8. Be aware that harsh discipline has the potential to provoke my children to wrath (Eph6:4)

9. Don’t misrepresent God to them (Numb 20:12)

10. And, of course, Pray with and for them (Col 4:2)

Well, that sums up today’s novel. What are your thoughts on the rod and discipline, specifically for those children who are beyond the years of physical discipline?

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me –Psalm 23:4

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A Mom and Her Son

Today was supposed to be a great day. I have been contemplating between sharing about two different things: either wrapping up my last two posts with answering the second question (What will I do with Jesus), or celebrating in this being my 50^th post! Over a month ago, I rejoiced with one of my blogger friends as she shared her excitement about reaching her 50^th post and I thought Wow! What a milestone! I wonder if I’ll make it that far! If I do, I will certainly have to rejoice with my readers through a post! Well, here I am, my 50^th post, and I am not rejoicing.

After dropping my kids of at school this morning, I spent the drive home in tears and prayer. Let me add to that list- frustration, anger, bitterness, disappointment. Why? Because my son can be so difficult at times, and this morning was one of them! Actually, he has been incredibly difficult a lot lately and I am not dealing with it as I should.

I continually remind myself (have even voiced it to him) that God created him with a critical mind. He is fearfully and wonderfully made, and God fashioned his brain to work the way it does. However, lately I don’t see him as very wonderful. L Lately I see him as walking in sin and rebellion. I find myself getting so frustrated that I act like a child. I respond harshly. I don’t even want to talk to him because I have come to expect nothing other than a critical response, and I have told him as much. Of course, that ended in disaster.

Trying to change my son’s heart with my words- failure. I cannot change my son’s heart! I cannot change my son’s heart! My words, full of anger and impatience, become nothing more than sounding brass or a clanging cymbal (1 Cor 13:1) to him.

The whole way home I whined and cried and God listened. In frustration, I complained that I don’t know what to do with him anymore! I don’t know how to respond to him when he is being so disrespectful, dishonoring, and rude.  He is a fool, having no delight in understanding but in expressing his own heart (Prov 18:2)! I don’t know how to make his heart teachable! When I try to correct him, he comes back with a response that picks my words apart and criticizes my view of the situation. And I feel like a failure because I know that I have let my son down by allowing it to get to this point. I have let my Lord down by not being quick to discipline and correct my son. I AM A FAILURE!

In the midst of my fit, I was reminded of a conversation I had with one of the godliest women the Lord has placed in my life. Years ago we homeschooled together and shared a lot of frustrations and tears (the tears were always mine). I recall voicing how difficult it was to home school my children (who struggled academically) alongside her children (who excelled at every area in life, especially when it came to academics). I shared with her my feelings of failure as a mom and teacher to them. She replied with something like “If they were highly advanced in their studies, would you give yourself all the credit? Or just when they struggle?”  That was tough to answer, and it has stuck with me.

So what’s a mom to do? I don’t have the answer to that question. I know I will be talking to my husband. I’m considering taking away the thing he enjoys the most right now- building, playing with, and making movies with his Legos. I don’t want to take that away! I enjoy watching him enjoy them! But something has to change. I also know that I will be praying more consistently for my son.  His heart is in the hand of the Lord (Prov 21:1), and He fashioned him with a mind full of critique. I know He has plans to use that mind of his, and those plans don’t include dishonoring and disrespecting his mom and others.

So, even in this, even in the impossible frustrations of parenting and disappointments, I will trust God to use me, my son, and this situation for good.

My ride home, crying and talking with the Lord ended with this song and I thought "How perfect, Lord! I have so many dents and rips! But the war's already won, and You have it all worked out for me, my family, and my son! Thanks, Lord!"

Francesca Battistelli 'Free to be Me' You Tube

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