Beloved

I saw today’s prompt from Lisa-Jo Baker and I couldn’t not write.

It was a challenge I didn’t accept quickly. I couldn’t recall ever reading anything like it in the scriptures and it almost felt like a way to test God. Plus, I was a little scared and unsure. “Ask God to give you one word. Ask Him who you are,” She said. “When you are truly seeking Him, He will answer you, and He won’t allow the enemy to be involved in this conversation.” Hmmmmm, I wasn’t so sure about that. Plus, did I really want to know what HE thought of me?

 I lay there, alone, scared- no, frightened. Who am I Lord? The answer came before I even voiced the entire question. Like He’s been waiting for it… waiting to tell me who I was. Waiting for me to ask. Knowing eventually I would.

BELOVED

At the beginning of your supplications the command went out, and I have come to tell you, for you are greatly beloved.   Daniel 9:23

It was so clear and so heavy and so real I wasn’t sure how to respond. And my reply was so typical, because when my husband tells me how wonderful I am, how beautiful I am, I think of all those times he made his own dinner and of the large rolls hanging over my denim jeans. Wonderful? Beautiful? Beloved?

And when a friend compliments me and tells me how special I am; that I am a friend to be trusted; that I am missed and worth missing, I deny it to myself and throw insults and condemnations. They obviously don’t know this woman very well. I’ve tricked them all into believing the lie.

But the truth is they know me all too well. They know my struggles and they know my pain and they know my failures, and they knowingly love me. My husband married a woman almost sixteen years ago because of a mistake. He stays married to her because he knows her inside and out and cherishes what she has become despite the mistakes.

My Lord knew me before I was formed and decided to work amid the mistakes and the questions and the doubts and make me pure, spotless, beloved.

It is me who has believed the lie. I am beloved and I choose to be loved.

Lisa-Jo offers the challenge week after week: take a measly five minutes and write. No over thinking, no backtracking, no ‘wait, that’s not spiritual enough, and I can’t share that in cyber city’ mentality. Only writing. Writing for five minutes and risking the outcome. This week’s prompt- BELOVED

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Read more about my Beloved Story at the following links

A New Name

Beloved Bride

The Fingerprint of God

Identity vs Action

It is Written

Identity vs Action

The cottage cheese thighs and muffin top drove me to it. I couldn’t take it anymore. After weeks of not running and weeks prior to that of sporadic, inconsistent running, I shoved myself onto the treadmill. I can honestly say it was torture. Not a moment of enjoyment or satisfaction. (I actually took a picture of my own muffin top, but could not bring myself to post it for you!)

The whole time I kept pushing aside thoughts that went something like ‘if you’d been more consistent you wouldn’t be having this issue right now,’ or ‘your laziness sure took its toll.’ Yes, those things are TRUE, I can’t deny that. However, I can deny them being noble, lovely, pure, praiseworthy, or of good report! And if my thoughts don’t fit into those categories, I mustn’t think on them (Phil 4:8).

What did I replace those ugly, blameworthy, discouraging thoughts with? ‘Yes, this is horrible and something close to torture, yes, I brought it on myself, but I know I CAN do this because I’ve done it before!’  

God is teaching me the importance of knowing MY IDENTITY, and not just that, but the difference between MY IDENTITY and MY ACTIONS. It seems like I am writing a lot about this lately, which must mean I have much to learn in this area. How often those two things get confused in my mind and life: IDENTITY and ACTIONS. I fall short and I sin (action), leaving me feeling unaccepted and less loved by God (identity). Does this mean that when I have a moment without sin (surely I must have those) that God loves and accepts me more? NOPE.

I can do nothing to make God love me more. I can do nothing to make God love me less. I am accepted by Him regardless of my actions. I’m reminded of the name He gave me, and I offer this task up to you as well. Ask God to give you a name. Ask Him who you are. I did this, and before I could even finish asking, I clearly heard the word BELOVED. About a week later, as I thought about this word and was writing it down, I realized that to be His BELOVED, I must BE LOVED; I must allow myself to receive His love. Do you see this? BELOVED = BE LOVED. This is what God is walking me through. Scratch that! If God says I am (or you are) His BELOVED, that means exactly that. I can choose to receive it or not. However, if I choose not to receive His love, I remain His BELOVED regardless. My job- to walk in it; to let my actions reflect that identity.

I cannot walk in my identity if I don’t know and accept who I am. Because I KNEW I could do it, I didn’t allow my inconsistency and laziness to keep me from running for thirty minutes. As I struggled on that treadmill I kept telling myself ‘I’m going to get through this, because I KNOW I’m a runner! I KNOW I can do this and I will not allow my actions this past month to change that!’

MY ACTION- I fall short and sin everyday

MY IDENTITY- Beloved by God and made righteous and holy

My actions do not change my identity

'Remind Me Who I Am' Jason Gray You Tube

(Be sure to watch the video as you listen closely to the words)

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What About Me?

Goodness, the longer I walk with Christ the more wretched I become. As our relationship grows more intimate, I seem to grow more selfish. How can this be? Shouldn’t I be more like my Savior every day? Shouldn’t I begin to bear His image, to walk as He walked? I want to offer you and myself an excuse. I would love to say that as I become more keenly aware of Christ’s perfect love and goodness, I also become more attentive to my own deficiencies, selfish ambitions, and sinful desires. And there may be some truth to that. Even so, there is no excusable reason for these thoughts and intents of my heart.

You see, lately I grow frustrated with baby Christians stepping up into ministries and godly areas I have strived so hard to serve in. I consider the numerous classes I’ve taken, bible studies I’ve participated in, groups I’ve been a part of, and just the little things I do regularly between only me and my Lord and I think, "What about me?." I observe these brand new believers receiving great opportunity in ministry, honor, glory, and a name for themselves. As if I were brother to the prodigal son, I cry out pridefully,  "look, these many years I have been serving You; I never transgressed Your commandment at any time; and yet You never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of Yours came, who has devoured Your livelihood with harlots, You kill the fatted calf for him” (Lk 15:29-30). Let’s get one thing straight- I do not want a young goat or a fatted calf. However, I would be happily content with a clear, effective  ministry, or some acknowledgement regarding the countless acts of service I have performed. Is this too much to ask for?

I am such an example of the vineyard workers complaining against the landowner after receiving a day’s wage, “These last men have worked only one hour, and you made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the heat of day” (Matt 20:12). Lord, it’s just not fair! It’s simply not done this way! How can you forget about all I’ve done? What about me?

Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saves us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit. –Titus 3:5

And then I am reminded of the thief on the cross. Even having reviled and mocked Jesus, our perfect Lord forgave this man, offering him salvation in the last moments of his life (Matt 27:44, Lk 23:39-43)). This thief reigns with Christ in Heaven today. This thief received Mercy and Grace from a dying Savior. I must understand this! The thief, after mocking Jesus Christ was granted Mercy (not receiving what he deserves ) and Grace (receiving what he don’t deserve). Rather than life separated from Christ for eternity, as I deserve, He has offered me something I could never earn, something I do not deserve, payment for my sins and eternity with Him. Mercy and Grace!

So with this difficult correcting from the Lord, with this revealing of my heart's selfish desire, comes thankfulness in that whom He loves He also chastens (Heb 12:5-6). I will receive this correction and most of all, I will receive this love. Rather than ask what about me I seek to ask what about Him?

It is Written

This morning I read about the temptation of Jesus in Matthew chapter 4. The preceding chapter tells us that Jesus was baptized by a reluctant (who wouldn’t be) John the Baptist. As soon as Jesus came out of the water, the Spirit of God descended upon Him like a dove, and an audible voice spoke from heaven proclaiming “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased” (Matt 3:13-17). What a glorious moment this must have been! I am constantly seeking to envision these events as exactly that, actual events; to see them as more than a simple ‘story’ from a book, but rather real life occurrences with real living people. When it comes to the life of Jesus however, it is the most daunting task because, well, He was and is not only Man but God. It doesn’t really get any more complicated than that. So, I am left struggling to relate to the life of this God-Man.

However, as I read this morning, I’m able to see some of my own circumstances and difficulties. It seems that immediately following this wondrous event, “Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil” (Matt 4:1). What a way to ruin a perfectly wonderful day! Looking back on my own baptism years ago, I recall it being so foundational for me; knowing nothing of the scriptures, only that I desperately needed Christ, I came out of that water a changed child of God. There was no dove or audible voice from heaven, but the Spirit of God was active in my life, and has been ever since. I wish I could say I have walked in obedience to Him from that moment on, but no, I still am and always will be a work in progress. And His incessant message to me: YOU ARE MY BELOVED.

It wasn’t until I read this passage again this morning that I realized these are the exact words the Father said regarding His Son, “This is My beloved Son.” 

Oh how often I need this reminder! Remind me again, Lord, remind me again! I can’t help but pay special attention to the fact that Satan tried desperately to make Jesus doubt who He was “If you are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.” And again “If you are the Son of God, throw Yourself down” (Matt 4:3,6). Now, I’m in no way implying Jesus ever doubted his identity as the Son of God, but there is no question Satan tried desperately to tempt Him into doing so. Likewise I have no doubt he tempts me in the same way and truth be told, he is quite successful at times.

How do I defeat my enemy in this battle? How do I proclaim victory from doubt? Exactly how Jesus did: with the Word of God. There it is again, the Word of God. Are you growing weary yet? Have I frustrated you into deleting my web address so you never have to endure this again? God is urgently trying to speak to one of us, and I presume it must be YOU! (Just kidding! Please know I never share something He is not actively striving to teach me. I suspect I gain substantially more from my ramblings than you do!) Jesus combated Satan’s lies with scripture “It is written” “It is written” “It is written” (Matt 4:4,7,10). Do you know what is written? When Satan says you are not God’s, can you swing that sword, confidently proclaiming “Away with you, Satan! It is written that I have been redeemed! It is written that I have been called by name! It is written that I am a child of God!” (Isa 43:1)? Lord, I pray You would grant us strength to live according to the example of Jesus Christ.  Amen.

 

For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we

are, yet without sin.

-Hebrews 4:15

 

Voice Of Truth - Casting Crowns- YouTube

Images courtesy of: http://wallpaper4god.com/en/background_jesus-baptism-2/, http://wordincarnate.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/the-appearing-of-our-blessed-hope/, http://taitegallery.net/2011/03/if-parody.html, http://greg-hansen.com/albums/armorofgod.html, http://www.kineticfaith.com/blog/?tag=temptation

Beloved Bride

Going about my Thanksgiving Day, I pondered my hubby’s question to the kids and me: “What are you thankful for today?” As I repeatedly asked myself and the Lord, I came up with the same old stuff… I am thankful for God, for my eternal salvation, for my family, for the freedom to worship, for things to share on my blog, for our health, for God’s provision… you know, the usual ‘Thanksgiving list.’ While forming this mental list, I began to focus in on just how blessed I am by my family, specifically my husband.

I was reminded of a time in Mexico, years ago. Our family drove to what is called ‘El Rancho.’ It’s a large piece of land being made into a family camp by members of the church we were working with. Upon arrival, we found no one there, and I proceeded to get out of the car and explore. However, I was completely unaware of the massive dog the church members use to guard the place. As I naively entered the gates, the monster instinctively charged me. With fangs drawn and eyes blazing, he was after nothing less than my complete destruction, and I froze.

Praise God for my husband! Without a second thought, he stepped between that beast and me, and with all authority, commanded he leave. Would you believe that horrid creature actually obeyed?! He immediately turned and went on his way, not bothering me again. Of course, I stayed by my husband’s side the remainder of the day. I knew without a doubt that dog was watching me, waiting for an opportune time to finish what he started (Luke 4:13); to finish me off for good.

Oh how thankful I am for my husband! He did not even take a second to question what he should do in that situation. All concern for himself vanished the moment he saw his bride in danger. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard him speak with such authority or seen that look in his eyes. So, to answer my husband’s original question- Yes, I am thankful for all the usual things on my ‘Thanksgiving list,’ but I am overwhelmingly thankful for my amazing husband. He works hard every day to provide and take care of us. He is the type of daddy to our children I never expected. His passion for God and His Word is rare and wonderful. His devotion to me is more than I anticipated. He is the image of a Bridegroom I desperately look forward to spending eternity with. A Bridegroom with all power and authority, holding Satan at bay, not considering His own life, but offering it up for me. I thank God for my wonderful husband, and my amazing Bridegroom. What a beloved bride I am!

A New Name

Last night my family read and meditated on Genesis Chapter 45.  Here we see Joseph finally reveal his identity to the brothers standing before him.  Overcome with love and a longing to know the welfare of his family, Joseph asks about his father Israel, or shall we call him Jacob… The final two verses in this chapter reveal the complexity of the father of 12.

“But when they told him all the words which Joseph had said to them, and when he saw the carts which Joseph had sent to carry him, the spirit of Jacob their father revived. Then Israel said, “It is enough. Joseph my son is still alive. I will go and see him before I die.” (Gen 45:27-28)

You see, Jacob was a cheat, a liar, a deceiver, the list goes on.  One night, God not only meets Jacob, but physically wrestles with him.  The deceptive cheat that he is, Jacob does not give up the fight and the scripture says, “[God] saw that He did not prevail against him” and therefore knocked Jacob’s hip socket out of joint (Gen 32:25). After some pleading and begging on Jacob’s part to be blessed, God grants him a new name: Israel. Overnight the man is transformed from a dirty, rotten, no good liar, into a Prince with God! Or is he? Time and again I have questioned why this man, after receiving his new name is sometimes referred to by that new name, and other times simply recognized again as the old Jacob.  When God changed Abram’s name to Abraham, he was never again known by the old man Abram.  Nor was Sarah called Sarai or Paul called Saul. So I ask the question: why Jacob?

Maybe we need to ask ourselves this same question.  Have we received a new name as a child of God?  Has He wiped away the old woman and resurrected in us a new identity?  If the answer is yes, then He has triumphantly prevailed in our lives. However, what if our situation resembles Jacob’s: one minute known as Jacob, the next as Israel; one minute wallowing in sorrow, pain, self-pity, and unbelief, the next minute standing in confidence of God’s work, only to turn back in doubt, frustration, and fear? The scripture says God did not prevail against Jacob, Jacob prevailed (Gen 32:25,28). Has God prevailed in your life?  Has God prevailed in mine?

God tells me He loves me and He says I am His beloved.  Do you see this?  Beloved = BeLoved!  To be His beloved, I must be loved!  I must receive His love and so walk in it (Rom 6:4). As I take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor 10:5), casting aside the strongholds and lies of Satan which tell me I am stupid, fat, ugly, incapable, unworthy, and UNLOVED, then and only then do I begin to walk in my new identity.  So today I choose to cast aside the old me and put on the new me. Today I am the Beloved!

Jason Gray 'Remind Me Who I Am' -You Tube

-Scriptures taken from the New King James Version

The Fingerprint of God

My husband and I have two children.  Two children who, many have insisted, remarkably resemble us both. If we were to test their DNA, there would be no doubt they were our children.  They share most of our characteristics: nose, eyes, round cheeks, height (or lack thereof), and sometimes even our competitive nature and stubbornness. They are obviously the offspring of their parents; however they are equally their own people.  In as much as they bear the resemblance of us, they are just as different in appearance and personality.  Whether we produced two children or twenty, each would be unique inside and out. 

Before men and women ever bore children, before babies were delivered and parents looked in admiration at such miracles, God created man (men and women) in his own image.  Just as our children starkly reflect us, we are a reflection of our Creator.  You can say that we possess His DNA.  Yet, in all His creation He designed each and every one of us uniquely. There is not one individual who ever lived or ever will live on this earth with your exact facial structure, with your exact build, with your exact DNA, with your exact fingerprint.  Out of the billions of individuals designed and created by God, not one is the same as another.  All are created with the same basic facial structure yet all are individually recognizable. This is astounding!  This is incomprehensible!  This is, in the words of the Creator, “very good.”

As I meditate and reflect upon this, I am captivated by the creativity and attentiveness God imparts to each and every individual child of His.  Because I am His, I bear His image.  I bear His likeness. I bear His characteristics.  He is my daddy, I His daughter. He is my Creator; I am the fingerprint of God, and there is no other fingerprint like me. As a child’s hand leaves smeared prints on glass, so my print is left wherever I venture.  Whatever or whomever I touch is left with my fingerprint. In a world of fingerprints, there is none like mine!  I envision my Father’s excitement looking about, identifying each and every fingerprint I have left behind, each and every life I have touched. My jealous, passionate Father, keeping close eyes on my every move, whispers, “This is My beloved.”