Rejected. Disqualified. Undesirable. Unwanted. Lacking. Disappointing. Not good enough. Why, oh why am I here again? And so soon! Why do I continue to find my identity in things and other people? Why do I persist in setting myself up for failure and disappointment? My expectations are all wrong. I hate that I am dealing with this issue again. I am frustrated in myself for allowing it. Yet, here I am.
Truth is, I know God loves me unconditionally, and I think I know wholeheartedly that He has my best interest in mind. He’s not the one I doubt. It’s those around me that I struggle with. When others disappoint me, or when I feel like I have failed them, I KNOW without a doubt that I can rely on my trustworthy God. When I disappoint myself because I fail to meet my own expectations, He remains the same no matter my circumstances. This is what I will take comfort in, the sole thing that will keep me moving, keep me writing, and keep me grounded. I must keep my eyes on Him.
Once again I am soothed and reassured by the only One who really understands me. He reminds me that not only was He rejected, despised, misunderstood, and unwanted, but that He sufficiently fulfills all my needs and understands these struggles in my life because He encountered them Himself. Yet, He was without sin and blameless while I am sinful and full of blame. Even so, even as He sees my heart and my failures, He covers me with His unfailing love, compassion, kindness, and care. And this is where I will sit. This is what I will let devour me. I will wait here in this place until His perfect love consumes the rejection that eats me up. I will be still and allow His healing power to incinerate those desires and feelings in me that are not of Him. I am reminded of those words to the song and I cry out “empty me Lord, and fill me with You!”
You may not be aware of the fact that as I write, I pray that my words might comfort and encourage you. I pray that my words would be His words and He would speak into your situation and bring healing. What you also may not know is that He does that very thing with me. Just in this short amount of time I have spent here, talking with Him and sharing with you, a measure of grace is being poured out upon me and I am being restored. And I am thankful. I am thankful that He speaks to me, chastens me, gives me words to share, allows me to share with you, and restores and encourages me the whole time. I am unworthy, yes, but He is in the habit of using such as me. And I am humbled.
If you are burdened today, please allow yourself to be filled with the only One who truly fills. Be filled with Jesus and His unconditional, perfect love today.
For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with
our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are,
yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the
throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy
and find grace to help in time of need.
-Hebrews 4:15-16 (NKJV)