Celebrating 15 Years!!!

Using the mall restroom has never been the same. Not since that day in June of 1997; three days out of high school and barely 18 years old. The instructions said it would take a few minutes for results, but those bright lines gave no breathing room. Instantly they screamed the truth I refused to believe- your. life. is. over.  And then it was THAT LADY. The one dressed in fancy clothes voicing my options and encouraging me to take the easy way out. She was the professional; she knew more than me. Consumed by the unknown, my head spinning in a fog, baring nothing but worldly wisdom, confusion, and dread, he proposed.

It was a far cry from romantic and I can’t recall the exact conversation, but it went something like this: “James, I’m pregnant.” “Well, you know what I want to do.” I dreaded hearing what he’d want to do. I feared the worst- termination. But he threw me completely off my already unstable foundation “I want to get married.” Married? Did he really just say THAT word? He wants to marry ME? We’d barely been together for six months!

Nine months later I went from a carefree, young, vibrant, loving-my-life-teenager to a married mommy coping unsuccessfully with fat rolls, dirty dishes, piles of soiled, puked on, laundry, and a husband I barely knew. I sit here feeling there are many more women out there who CAN relate to my story than CAN’T. I share because my story is HIS story. On August 16^th, 1997 the wayward Jehovah’s witness, and the naïve people-pleasing-teen walked down that isle, exchanged overpriced rings and meaningless vows, then attempted to play ‘the happy married couple with the bald, yet beautiful new baby.’ Most mocked and doubted our future.

Have you any clue what a stubborn teen does when doubted and ridiculed? She fights back and she fights hard. I refused to be the next statistic. However, as desperate as I was to prove them all wrong, my good intentions were nothing more than exhausting failures. AND IN MY WEAKNESS, HE IS STRONG. AND IN MY FAILURE HE IS GLORIFIED. AND IN MY DOUBT, HE IS FAITHFUL. AND IN MY DESPERATION, HE IS DESPERATE FOR ME. MY GOD IS A JEALOUS GOD!

He called me. He beckoned me to a small church and an even smaller fellowship. He showed me love and He taught me truth. He was patient and He was persistent.

In 15 years of marriage, we’ve experienced uncertainty as our time in foreign land expired, doubt as foster children happily returned to bio-parents, and fear when our home schooled kiddos were thrown to the wolves. We’ve had seasons of fruit, and seasons of drought. We’ve known abundant blessing and sudden loss. We’ve stood strong, we’ve fallen weak, we’ve savored sweet joy in knowing God’s will and hearing His voice, but we’ve also tasted bitter sorrow and swam in seas of doubt. Through it all, one thing has remained- WE. We are His, we are each others, we are vessels, and we are a work in progress.

The question is no longer- What good could possibly come from a wayward Jehovah’s Witness and his naïve-people-pleasing wife, but rather- What will God do with the willing heart of weak vessels?

Your. life. is. over. I may have been young, and dumb, and lost in a world of apprehension. I may have been over dramatic, self focused, and in need of a reality check. BUT, those words rang truer than I could have ever known.

My. life. was. over. Because He was calling me into death and offering NEW LIFE. A life of surrender. A life of love. A life of service. And a life of blessing with my best friend and hubby. It’s been 15 years! It’s been amazingly frightening and fulfilling! It’s been a topsy turvy roller coaster ride with nothing to hold onto but each other and our faith.

Happy 15^th Anniversary, James! Thanks for the adventure! Thanks for your faithfulness, your unconditional love, and your devotion to our God, our children, our marriage, and our family J

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We Are In This Together

“She’s talking rudely to me.” He utters as tears fill his eyes.

“Well I’m tired of you hitting the back of my chair!” She quickly counters with that harsh tone that paints a picture of eyes rolling.

I continue driving, praying for words and an attitude of peace. They carry on back and forth, back and forth- who can injure the other more; who will have the last word?

Finally I’ve had enough and proclaim “No one leaves this car until this is settled.”

We continue down the familiar road in silence. One minute goes by, then two, then five. Who will speak first? Who will confess their unkind words and selfish heart? Who will ask forgiveness?

Neither.

Lord, where have I gone wrong?

We are just minutes from the school. “No one has anything to say?” I demand.

“Sorry for my attitude. Will you forgive me?” She finally says.

“Yes. Sorry for being rude.” He replies.

I exhale. I suppose that that will do, Lord. But I was hoping for a little more.

She exits the car and heads into the school. I look back at my son and the tears come again. Ugh, I thought we settled this.

“What’s the matter, buddy?”

“She’s not sorry for calling me THAT name.”

“What name?”

“A big fat liar.”

I remind him that she said she was sorry and asked forgiveness. I tell him that he doesn’t know his sister’s heart and is wrongly judging her motives.

“But I know she’s not sorry for that.”

Do you know how difficult it is to send your children off to school in this state? Do you know that feeling- like you’re watching opponents in a boxing match, each examining the other’s weaknesses, attempting to take their rival down with the hardest blow?

They are family! They are siblings! They are not enemies!

And this is what the Lord is telling ME this morning. YOU are family! YOU are siblings! YOU are not enemies!

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

-Ephesians 2:4-7

God’s people are my family. His servants are my siblings. Those He loves, I must love also, because we are in this together. We were dead in trespasses together, He made us alive together, He raised us up together, and He made us sit together. And when we walk together, the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us is made known for all to see because they will know us by our love (John 13:35.)

Do I portray a God of love and unity, or a God of anger and division? How often I wrongly judge another’s motives and heart’s intent. How many times has He said to me “Don’t you have something to say to her?” And how many times have I remained sitting in silence, walking among the world with division stirring in my heart. How difficult it must be for Him to send me out into the world carrying hatred and anger for His children, my family, my siblings.  We are in this together!

The Grand Canyon 8/2011

And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.

-John 17:22-23

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Christ in the Chaos

The last couple weeks have been anything but orderly and structured. No, they have been something closer to chaotic. Most days I didn’t even know what day it was, and I was pretty content with that. We enjoyed staying up far too late and sleeping the morning away. Meals were “fend for yourself” and chores- nonexistent. The kids were ecstatic, the hubby patient, and me, well I have been just plain lazy.

It’s not easy to admit this, knowing anyone could read, and most of you would never allow your home to dwell in such chaos. However, I speak of it openly to you for a couple of reasons:

1. I desire to be transparent. I try to share not only the good, praiseworthy areas of my home and family, but also the difficult unmentionables that truly are a part of this family’s everyday life.

2. I suspect there to be at least one (probably more) wives and moms out there feeling the same way I do today, and a large focus of this site is to better enable us to relate with and encourage one another, knowing we are not alone in our daily struggles (1 Cor10:13).

3. Falling short, having a sink full of dishes, unswept floors (my computer says unswept is not a word. It hasn’t seen my floors), piles of laundry, ignoring bed times, and serving unhealthy meals does not affect our righteousness (which is of Christ and not ourselves), or our salvation (Eph 2:8-9).

How easy it is to for me to get caught up in self righteousness when all is orderly and under control. It is equally tempting to shower myself with self condemnation when I look around and see nothing but chaos. Maybe we can take Paul’s encouragement to the Philippians to learn to be content in whatever state they find themselves in (Phil 4:11-13) and apply that to our lives as moms, wives, and homemakers. No matter the state of my house, Christ is Christ, His salvation remains, and I am His.

With that said, I must get out of the hole I have stumbled into, and this is what I am intentionally choosing today. Chaos cannot separate Christ’s love or salvation already imparted to me (Rom 8:38-39), however it greatly affects my relationship with my hubby and kids and my ability to serve and minister to others. I will ask for His strength, cling to that strength, and move forward. He is a God of grace and unfailing love, however He is also a God of order and after two weeks of mayhem, I crave the peace which comes from structured order.  I suspect my hubby and kiddos do too.

If you find yourself in this same predicament, don’t let these feelings of failure hold you captive and immovable. Start where you are and move forward from there. If you are in sin, confess, repent, and receive forgiveness along with the grace to forget those things which are behind and reach forward to that which lies ahead (Phil 3:13).

Now I’m off. I have some work to do J How about you?

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Three Words

Beth Moore’s post from her Living Proof Ministries blog inspired me to reflect on the past year and ask God for three words that characterize 2011 for me. I offer you this same opportunity. Please share your three words with us and a short (or long) paragraph explaining each.

I'll go first J I call mine the three A’s.

ACCOMPLISHED- God sent and used (and continues using) my husband in Phoenix, Arizona among a group of Romanians, building relationships, teaching, discipling, and instilling the vision of discipleship. He has done and continues doing a wonderful work in it. What previously sounded ridiculous and impossible turned out to be incredibly fulfilling as I finished my first two years of college and received a degree at 32 years old. God relieved my back pain and allowed me to start doing something I have always desired to do- run. And (most days) I enjoy and look forward to it. God confirmed gifts in me and has begun stirring them up, teaching me to walk in obedience, and blessing the fruit of that labor and obedience. Yes, this has been a year of witnessing God accomplish much in and through us.

AWARENESS- My daughter, Korrie (my oldest child) turned thirteen, became a teenager, and officially made me old! It’s been wonderful and eye-opening in so many ways. Every single day she surprises me and I realize that she’s unlike any other child of God. He is miraculously forming her into a woman after Him, despite my failures and short comings as her

mother. My son, Joseph (my youngest child) hit the double digits turning ten, and made me old again! Through this process of watching my kiddos develop their own personalities and relationships, I am learning that God is in control of every aspect of their lives both large and small. And I am unspeakably grateful to be used by Him in such a way. I am also keenly aware of how quickly they are changing and growing and will be leaving the nest to begin their own adventures filled with happiness, joys, heartaches, and struggles.

AWED- My Lord has poured out His love upon me in ways I could not even imagine, allowing me to draw closer to Him and gain a deeper, richer understanding of His adoration and compassion for me. And with this understanding comes an awe and a realization that the more I know Him and His love, the less I understand it. He is so incomprehensible, yet personal in a way I cannot fully receive. I only pray that this New Year brings more awe, more understanding, and a deeper sense of who He is, how He loves, and who I am in Him.

I cannot wait to read about your three words!  Won’t it be fun to look back at these words next year and reflect on the changes God faithfully walks us through? Please, please, please share and don’t be shy!

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Mexican Christmas- From Our Home to Yours

Feel like I’ve been off the blogging radar far too long and I miss you guys! J I hope you all had a great CHRISTmas and are ready to begin a fabulous new year! Today’s post is dedicated to sharing our family Christmas fun with you, and I hope you enjoy as we did.

I spent Christmas Eve morning wrapping gifts for my children. This year I tried brown packaging paper (only $1 a roll at the Dollar Tree!) and some fun wire ribbon.

I also attempted an idea I found on Pinterest -using wrapping paper to create matching bows- and it worked! I think they all turned out very Christmassy.

Christmas Eve night we opened our yearly Christmas Eve jammies, sent the kiddos to bed, and carefully placed all the gifts under the tree, along with a basket full of Chocolates!

Finally the Big Day arrived! We did our traditional reading of the Christmas story, only this year we included a new tradition: adding baby Jesus to the manger scene as we read about His birth.

The kids opened their gifts (I’m pretty sure they didn’t even notice the festive brown paper packages) and enjoyed some chocolate. 

They gave James a crafty homemade present which he rather enjoyed. (Another moment of Pinterest Brilliance!)

Afterwards we headed to our church service where I was overwhelmed with God’s love for us. Christmas morning spent in church makes the birth of the Savior so much more glorious! I was also unexpectedly blessed to see one of my faithful blog readers there! She hugged me, telling me I inspired her to attend! You know who you are! And I praise God for you!

After service we rushed home to begin the festive cooking. Every year we visit a different country for Christmas by preparing dishes specific to that part of the world. Two years ago we went to Italy, last year we tasted China, and this year we experienced Mexico.

Finally everyone arrived: grandparents, aunts, auncles, cousins, 14 in all! Let me tell you, the food was amazing! We ate Carne Asada, Enchaladas, Taco salad, Mexican Casserole, beans & rice (of course), Cinnamon Sugar Chips covered in cool whip and chocolate, Cream Cheese Sopapillas (again, thank you Pinterest! These were amazing!), and one of the favorite dishes- stuffed red peppers!

What’s a trip to Mexico without a piñata? Each kiddo took a few whacks and finally dug into the candy.

We finished the night off with plenty of desserts and a few games of Catch Phrase and Hedbanz.

Well, that’s the gist of our celebration. What traditions do you keep every year? Did you incorporate any new ones this season?  Please share with us!

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